:( my pics wont post :(

okkkkk.....kno how i said it is still rlly cold....its because IT IS!!! its no just my body being used to warm weather..well it might partly be tht..but still a group of ppl just went SKIING!! last week!!! ooo the phone!!!! hang on. YAAAYYy!!!! i mite getta look @ houses here today cuz i might buy a house so i cud come to lahontan in da winter and summer and stuff, andnot keep staying at my aunt and uncles place..soo..ok yea...ahhh my fingers r soo frikkin cold!!!!!! there rlly isnt much to say and my brain is still dead frum jetlag so i'll think of sumthin to post thts more interesting 2maro!!!! needa goo look @ houses!!!

Frozen toes

Its been almost...wat..like 6 months since i actually had a real post.or maybe it was a little less than that but still..i've abandoned this blog. but i dont want to. so its the beginning of summer and im going to try to post somethin everyday for at least these first 2 weeks.
soooo....i'm here in Lake tahoe. Just me, my lil sis and my mom..its actually pretty good. No fighting or yelling..yet. The weather is good except that between the hrs of 5pm to 9am its frikkin FREEZZING! even the ppl who live here are still wearing hats and jackets...except for the window cleaner..hes in shorts and a short sleeves..ahhhh...anyway...maybe its just my body being used to 90 degree weather all year....but now, at 11am its pretty nice out :). I mean, being here was worth the flight here...2 babys in the row infront of me got their diaper changed every 2 hrs...trust me....not a pleasant smell. AND then some guy throws up in the row next to me. 2 very unpleasant smells...and then of course i got nautious. so the combo didnt go well. But like i said, it was worth it.
sooooo moving on.
this summer, for me, is gunna kick ass!!!!

im going to stay 2 weeks here in tahoe. then go to CHICAGO for 2 weeks. then go to BOSTON for 5 days. then go to NEW YORK for a few days...not sure how many. then im guna head over to NEW JERSEY to visit sum good friends. then then then then im going to HARTFORD to see..GREEN DAAYY!!!! yeaaa!!!!! im guna c green day!!!!! then im goin to HEBRON to visit my grandparents...then back to LAKE TAHOE then SAN FRANSISCO...then possible L.A. then back to SINGAPORE. this summer is gunna fucking rock.

what the fuck have i been doin this whole year?????

"ripped out his throat and called you on the telephone to take off my disguise just in time to hear you cry"

Good Charlotte.....
......gave me

A wake up call....to..i dont know what exactly, and i dont know how. but i finally know what i need to do. ..it is:
i need to LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!
i've been so caught up in the future, i forget how i am gunna get there.And basically just to live the moment i am living in. Maybe i have said this before or maybe i havent but i now kno i cant keep taking advantage of life, sail through it easily and think everything will be ok.
Right now, is the best fucking time in my whole life because its the moment i am living.....if that makes sense. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words.....so if this comes out differently than owell. i hope i get a little bit of the point across. And im not just saying this to be like "hey I finally realized this"
or "yo, this only applies to ME."
but it applies to everyone...
so yea...
"Today is the first day of the rest of our lives"--green day (Church on Sunday)
Xxpeace outxX

oh baby here comes the sound. took a train outa new orleans.

I will be leaving for the Maldives in about 2 hrs. The plane i am taking is very small, and it is raining like hell rite now..i am scarred shit less. BUT i will try to calm myself down by watching SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE on the plane. i never got the chance to watch it in theatres and now i get to watch it for free.
o my goddd....my gym bag is the most disgusting thing....i think theres actually mold growing on it. I packed 2 pairs of clothes cuz i had PE and went to da gym. but when i was changing to go to da gym...into my gym clothes which were just washed, my used pe clothes smelled waaayyyy better than my clean clothes....my bag is definitely fucked up...
ok..so after the break is the last quarted of the skool year....so theres this thing called tiger tales. you can submit writing and get it published in the TIger Tales. so im guna write 2 things and you guys have to comment and say which one u think i shud submit. i'll probly post them after i get back since im not bringing my laptop. so like the first week of april.
im praying for the rain to stop for once in my life....

give me a reason to believe

ello! a quick update.
today was the last day of skool b4 spring break. My friend is off to the states for this meeting in LA. i told her to get me cd's. Leather MOuth, prencey prep, megadeth....coroner...singapore doesnt seem to have any of those in any music store here. and since shes leaving 2maro, i can wait, and it wud be cheaper than buying it off the internet...i hope.
For spring break, my family and i will be going to the Maldives!!!! im so excited. Gunna stay at this frikkin awesome hotel..four seasons or the hyatt..one of those. Snorkeling, beach..all of it. We just got our camera fixed so im gunna take lots of pictures.
I am still contemplating whether or not to go to powerchord academy. I dont kno y...still.
Also, i mite dye my hair blue. not all of it, but like highlights.......yea...
rite now, singing along to its not a fashion statement, its a fucking death wish, it reminds me tht i have had a sore throat for about 2 weeks now. I shud probly not be singing by lungs out...but i cant be stopped :P
ALSOOOO we got this new awesome bean bag chair type thing so im gunnna go watch tv now and sit in it!!!....unless my sister got there first ...:O

BUT BEFORE I GO! just reading back at what i wrote i want to say that "tortured teenager" is entirely a screen name. I am quit the opposite of tortured, and i kno tht. so i hope i dont sound a like some fucking spoiled brat that thinks her life sucks..cuz i dont. even if i complain, i still kno i am soooooooooooooooo very very lucky.

Should I stay or should i go?

My heart is in beat with MAMA.

OK. Summer is........march, aprill........about 4 months away. Short or long, we are already buying plane tickets for the states, if we didn't now, we wudn't be able to get a flight. ANYWAY! Huge thing on my mind. There is this music camp called power chord academy. Its sound and looks rlly cool and a lot of fun. You get to make a music video, record in a studio, make a cd, watch touring bands, perform live. EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED TO DO! Theres a beginningers class. And mom told me about it so its not like im not allowed to go or sumthin, its just that, i don't know if i WANT to go. Isn't tht strange? I think im afraid i wont fit in, everyone will b better than me. But if theyre better than me i'll learn more rite? And its a great experience, so whats stopping me frum going? I still have a few months, i've talked to my parents, and im gunna rlly talk to em tonite bout gettin guiatr lessons, so i'll be a bit prepared. I dunno, i LOVE music. I want a musical career, but i rlly want to go, but don't wanna go. I dunno. this is me asking for help, and also thinking out loud.

when i mention buying plane tickets, its cuz we mite not make a stop to chicago this year, only if i decide to go to the camp.

THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD!!!!!!

ok, sooooo, The best job in the world is basically being a "island care taker" in australia for the great barrier reef. You basically can do stuff u do on vacation,but ur being payed (100,000 US FUCKING DOLLARS!!!!!!). for the main info go
here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yetH_nnakck&NR=1
anyway, why am in telling you this? well one of the PE teachers @ my skool made it to the top 50 out of over 34,000 applicants. Now he is #5 on the list.
here is his application video
http://www.islandreefjob.com/#/shortlisted-applicants/watch/w3wC2LB7C_s
Since i live in singapore, and know the guy its extremley hilarious watching him go on a local MRT in a full wet suite and snorkle gear. He is actually very funny just in class as well.
So if you want...VOTE FOR HIM. vote for him using multiple emails if ya want to!!! everyone in our skool thinks he is cut out for the job, and not just cuz hes from our skool.
Hope you vote!

keep the rain away, play in the sun, let the rain fall

Today was field day.YAYYY!!!!!!!!!!! for those who dont know, its a day where the skool goes crazy. we play games the whole day. There are four diff teams: yellow, red, green and blue. I wuz blue, wootwoot! BUT, we were told to do hw incase it rained, we wud go to class. I didn't do my hw. and on the bus..it started to drizzle...dundundun...but it never rained so i wuz good:P
I signed up for the obstacle course, water polo, and uhhh chair ball. They were all rlly fun. But unfortunatley, i had dyed my hair blue wit instant hair spray, and i had water polo first, so it all came off :'( Blue team came 2nd in water polo, we ownd all...except the fact tht we lost our last game. After changing, it wuz chair ball. Im not sure if this is a thing only my skool does, but i will explain it anyway. OK, so there are 2 teams. There is a mat with a chair on it on either side of the basketball court. The object of the game is to pass the ball three times to diff. team mates (skool and letting everyone get a chance at the ball, even though not everyone gets it) and then pass it to the person standing on the chair. Thts how u get points. Also, you cant move when you have the ball, and if u drop the ball, it goes to the other team. Well, this game, there were no chairs, so ppl just stood on the mat. Blue won all of the games, first place wooo! Of course it wuz all thnks to my excellent catching skills while standing on a mat.
The last station for me wuz the obstacle course. First we had to go thru tires without touching them. Then jump in a potato sack to a tent thingy. go thru the tent ride this bike tht was like not even up to my knees , and im 5'4, ride it thru cones, go over thise block thing, ride this bouncy ball to this mat., do a front roll, then go thru this hoola hoop, over a hurddle, thru a slip n slide, and over another hurddle. It wuz the most epic thing i've ever done. Actually no we got 2nd, and it wuz pretty boring, xcept for the slip n slide, but then my homemade shirt got messd up. It wuz the white PE shirt with the word blue written in block letters, and blue hair spray over it.. it wuz awesome, but it all got smudge and the blue letters came off :'( sooooo obstacle course we got 2nd cuz our first person wuz so tall he coudnt fit on most of the things.
but at the end of the day...BLUE WON EVEYRTHING WOOO!!!! we won most of the relays, the screamin contest, the dance off and the whole tournament!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i kno u must b thinkning, holy shit dude, wat grade and wat skool r u in. But i will not answer those questions. but i will say, i am not in high skool and not in elementary skool...hmm omg wonder wat im in.
there wuz much more to the day but tht involves things which u wud not understand unless u went to my skool, and it wud be almost impossible to explain, plus if some one saw this frum skool, tht wud b bad. so i will just leave it out.
After a freezing shower, thnks to my sunburn, i have to update and clean my computer cuz our skool comps have a virus tht passes frum compute to computer so every 4,000 kids families has to clean their computer and protect and stuff. So after tht hr or 2 proccess i then have homework. So as lightning streaks the sky, and thunder scares my dog, i will now go to the bathroom and stall for the boring 4 hrs ahead of me.

might make you want to say so long

Soo, another boring sunday afternoon. I woke up about 20 minutes ago, and realized all i have to do is homework, and go to basketball practice. After that i am fucking free....But there is absolutely nothing to do in singapore with out spending money. So i guess my only option is the American Club to go for a swim and play xbox 360.
But even thinking bout that, i am sorta fantasizing. I have my science project due 2maro and im no where near done. Then have to write a book report to a book iv read three times already. So i guess i better get off the computer.

Interview with the Vampire

Imagine having an interview with a vampire. For me, it depends if i know he's a vampire or not. If i didn't know it, i'd be like "wow this creep is awesome". if i DID know it, i'd be running for the hills, like the idiot i am. anyway it all comes down to this: if you love vampires, WATCH INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE!!!!! Its an oldish movie, made in 1994. Basically its about a modern day guy, interviewing a 200 hundred yr old vampire called Louis (brad pitt). Louis tells him about his life and how he came to be...what he is. It is an exciting watch. I've already watched it 3 times, since i've burned it onto my ipod. Its quit addicting. Anyway, i am not going to watch it anymore, you eventually get sick of a good thing.Now, i am going to record a video for science. Finally a project that is actually fun! We are studying primates and we have each been assigned a certain one and we have to do somthin unique and creative about the monkey. So im gunna write a song. I've got the melody, just needa right the lyrics, and to write the lyrics, i need to hear the melody, and i cant hear the melody without playing it, and i cant play and write, so i have to record just the melody, and then add lyrics. So listening to Longview, i say good bye.

(if you are wondering if i am always gunna say "while listening to bla bla bla" i most likley am, so deal with it.)
Here are the other main actors in INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE: Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Antonia Banderas, Kirsten Dunst.

I DONT LOVE U LIKE I LOVED U.....yesterday

five words.
worst. fucking.valentines. day.ever.
2 frends broke up
my frend threw a full pepsi bottle at me.
it somehow cut my eye
and its gunna bruise
BLACK EYE!!!
but we r still frends
i started laughing
while my eyes watered uncontrollably
i threw a can of pringles at him
ran to da bathroom to clean it
he punch a wall and sat for about 15 minutes
then we walked round
got coffee
went on a blow up obstacle course
beat ourselves even more
SINGLE ON VALENTINES DAY!!
scraped my leg
twisted my ankle
ate
a lot
of
free
french
fries
and chocolate
and soda
and more coffee
and did other random stuff
he left
we stayed
ate more
and then left
AND NOW IM HERE
AT MY HOUSE
listening to IRON MAIDENwasted years
and the lyrics r goin in one ear and out the other
wow
....

LIKE OMG! IM OOUT ALREADY!!!

Well, lets see how this week has been. i basically think it all comes down to this:...HOLY SHIT NOOOO IM OUT OF GUMMMM!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! the last piece of my favorite flavor :'( How will i survive class!?!?!?!? the chewing was the only thing keeping me frum goin insane!!!! Im a master at not gettin caught with gum. This whole semester i havent gotten caught...until yesterday in math...damn my math teacher, he broke my record.
The valentines county fair iz on saturday and my frends and i are all....anxious i wud say. I gess i spoke too soon when i said my frends were perfect for each other. It seemed like he wuz at the top of the world, and now he iz falling. We all feel rlly bad for him and hes goin into his depression state even though she hasn't broken up with him. we think she MITE dump him on saturday, or even friday. But she can't dump him on valentines day..rite?!?!?!?!??!
Besides those things everything else iz pretty good. 2maro is "valentines alternate dress day" i mean how stupid can it get??? but at least we get to be in sumthin other than our uniforms. Of course im putting in my own personality with a black and white stripped tie over my pink and red shirt :D
Also, yesterday wuz our biathalon.ugh. Its six lengths of the the pool (150meters)and then 2 laps arouond the track. I used to b GOOD at swimming, it took me four fukin minutes to do the 150 meters!!! anyway, my overall time wuz 9:36. I mite do it again. My swimsuit wuz waay to tight, and i wuz dehydrated. Im not just making up shit to cover up my time, otherwise i wudn't even tell u. I completley admit that i SUCK at running..and now i am sad to say, swimming. well thats about it!
ps.and my pictures wont load on blogger!!!!!!!!!!

dissapointed faces of ur peers

its been a while, just i haven't had anything to talk about. My life has been boring as hell. Just skool happening in my life. But i decided since today was an early dismissal, i would post a little sumthing.
As most of u probly r aware of my chemical romance's new video, desolation row,(did tht work? if it didn;t copy and paste: http://www.myspace.com/mychemicalromance) the cover song by bob dylan, i am compltley UBSSESED with it. I think they did a pretty good job on it. I especially like the end of the video when frank sticks his tongue out when they get a shot of the band in the police van. Hilarious! Ah man, i love them.
What else happend....oh ya! My 2 frends r gettin together. its rlly kool actually, they r PERFECT for each other, and with valentines day coming up, who knows what will happen. Speaking of valentine, i had been invited to a party by one of my good frends who is frends with the guy i like. So i went to the party, and EVERYONE was a grade above me. These r the times when i feel like a real emo/loner, watever. Anyway, i mite have not made it clear that i am in love with him, but i kno he will never be with me. So once again, since last year, i am trying to forget him and move on. It is incredibly hard. like rite now as im typing this, i am wearing a volcom wrist band that he gave me. But he has a great girlfrend and he seems happy, so i'll leave that subject at that.
wat else wat else wat else....hmm.....thinking bout the future, college, job, success..all that shit. just trying to keep my grades up. Im doin pretty good, mostly a's and one b ! wootwoot!
well, now, while listening to MAMA i am going to finish up a science report ughhhh!!!! research, bibliography all tht.

ps. comment on the new (ish) background pic!

Dead ends and a caution sign

Dead ends and a caution sign
By: Julia Randall
I rode hard. I was searching desperately for a path that was bound to get me lost. But every path led to a loop around to the same rode ending up a few feet away from where I started,
Every uphill was a dead end. I ran from the dead ends. Riding down the hill, letting the pedals free. I felt like I was running away from something, but ended up outrunning it the further away I got from the dead end, heading back the way I came.
I was on the main road again, I felt like I was free, the wind blowing in my face through my long, wild brown hair. My heart lifted as I road over a speed bump. For a temporary moment, o felt lighter, free of half a pound of worries. But then I road on flat ground again.
I wished that I wouldn’t fall. I wanted to stay in the air longer, able to fly, free of worries, look down upon the small neighborhood I lived in and fly passed all the dead ends. I pictured racing along endless roads, hopefully leading my somewhere, nowhere in particular, just an escape route out of my life, just till I could get my mind strait again.
But I can’t fly, so I did fall back on the flat pavement, continuing up the main road back towards the intersection. AS I came to the four way decision, I froze. I froze because there were 2 roads that would not lead to a dead end. And they were real, standing there right in front of me, tempting me with the taste of freedom.
I thought hard. I could survive. I knew I could survive. But it wasn’t all about me. I could survive, but could they? Was it fair? Was it for the better? No. Not yet. The time would come soon enough. I’d been waiting so long; I could wait a little longer.
For the mean time, I knew that I needed a real escape route. Not a cowardly one. I wasn’t, am not a coward. I needed a place that was only mine, and quick to get to, but what?
A honk from behind me woke me up from my conversation with myself. I looked back, raised an apologetic hand toward the dark blue Honda stopped behind me , rode onto the sidewalk and waited for the roads to be clear to cross.
I made a run for it between a black Hyundai and a silver Mercedes. I cleared both of them riding up the slight uphill on my rd. I went passed my house and road half way up my street, staring into thick forest absent mindedly. I suddenly realized what I was looking at; a dead end. I quickly turned around, pedaled as fast I could, then let the pedals free for the 50th time that day.
I neared my gate. The dark brown wood gate seemed familiar but not comforting. All the same, I pulled my right leg of the bike seat, put both feet on the left pedal and turned to stop right in front of the little hidden door in the gate.
I dismounted my bike. I reached through the slot to feel for the lock. I punched the code in then pushed up then down. It was still locked. Damn it! I just locked myself out, almost as if I didn’t want to go back. Yet, I re-punched the code, slid the lock and un did the latch, and then locked back up.
Pulling my bike behind me and parking it next to my sisters and dads bike. I put down the kickstand and headed for the door. It was locked. I knocked three times so hard it made my knuckles hurt. They wanted me out. I moved my leg to turn around, when the door opened. The sudden burst of air-con rustled my hair.
I walked in, throwing my shoes off. They didn’t want me, they needed me. But did I need them? No. But I could wait.
I went upstairs, heading to the sanctuary of my cluttered, comforting room. I quickly stripped and leaned against the back of my door, staring at the huge post of the Joker from The Dark Knight. I stared into his eyes, thinking about my escape route. I needed a way to get out of my room, but still feel safe. Which was, is, impossible; I never feel safe, not even in the small square section of the world that is my own.
And so far away from where my heart is, making often trips back to its body once a day. Or sometimes never. And it aches, I need a place to stop the aching, but that’s only in my dreams, and sometimes the dreams hurt more than the ache.
I gave up on thinking. I turned my stereo on and blasted it. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water run down my back.
A thought suddenly came to me. All of my fears are in my head, but they still affect me physically. After I dressed and picked up my guitar to plug it in, I finally figured out my escape route; My Mind.
I played hard. I pictured I was playing live along with my chemical romances “MAMA” that was playing on the stereo. I jumped on my bed, rolled on the floor and broke a string.
But then it all disappeared when a knock on my door disturbed my thoughts, followed by a strike of lightning. I would have to go acoustic.
Back to earth, walk on the ground again, flat footed with no flight. I yelled at myself, told myself to stop it. That will never happen, so don’t pretend.
I walked over to my pad, and grabbed a paint brush, some paints and water. I dipped the brush into the water as it instantly soaked up as much as it could. Then I dipped it in the black paint and made a diagonal line across the page. I washed out my brush and then dipped it in the red ink and made another diagonal line forming an “X”.
I stared at that “X” for a long time. Thinking…
nah, I can wait…

hello again

Woww ok so its been a long time since i posted anything. Basically today was the first day back to school frum winter break. During winter break i went to Lake tahoe with my cuzins. We stayed at there gigantic house for not quite a month. We mainly went there to go skiing and snowboarding. Well, my mom, sister, all 3 of my cuzins, my aunt and uncle, went skiing and my dad and i went snowboarding.

Our snowboard instructor was Matt. He was awesome!!! i learned so many things and i've gotten wayyy better at snowboarding. A regular full day of snowboarding went something like this. Meet at mid mountain around 9:30am (ugh). Then head up to basic green run or down to village run. I always went ahead just below the slight downhill to wait for my dad to catch up. I was obviously better than my dad and much faster so sometimes it took up to 15 minutes till he finally catched up. After a few easy mountains (4 me, regular one for my dad), we would then head over to the lodge to eat lunch. Finding a table was like finding my chemical romance in antarctica. After 2o minutes of endless searching we would get our food (american cheeze burger..duh!), wulf it down, then head back outside to freeze our ass's off and board. My dad usually calls it a day after lunch though. Which was good because then in got to go on harder runs. The very last day, after lunch all we did wuz black runs…it wuz AWESOME!!!!(Except that I had to go to the bathroom really badly towards the end).
For Christmas and New Year’s we went to the club in Lahontan for a full course dinner. Even though it wuz nice to be around family, seeing the fire works from North Star (where we snowboard/ski), my cuzin and I wished we were out there with other ppl enjoying the crazy night life, instead of being stuck in a dimly lit room where tight clothes, and nothing to do. But I guess it wuz nice anyways.
A thing that my lil sis loves to do is snow surfing. Since my cuzins live off the gold course, hole # 9 was there back yard covered in snow! It wuz great cuz theres a hill ending in a pit like thing. We made a starting point (a mound of snow), and then took the sled stood on it and let it rip. We all could almost get all the way to the bottom.
Beside playing guitar hero for endless hours, a probably wrote 2-3 songs, which I would post if they weren’t so crappy:S
The plane ride back wuz a COMPLETE drag. We had to drive to Truckee airport, stand in an enormous line, then take the hr flight to san fransisco, where we spent the night and left my mom so she could go back to Chicago for 3 days (her birithday wuz jan.8 and one of her girlfriends had invited her to stay @ her house). The next morning bright and early, we had to get on a flight to korea its wuz 12 and a half hr flight. After that wuz over another flight frum korea to Singapore that wuz 6 hrs. Finally back home, the half an hr drive to our house at 1:45 am. I went to bed and woke up @ 1o (am) with a cold.
Skool started on the 12th and im exhausted already, so im gunna watch the black parade is dead and maybe write another song.
~XxJuliaxX~
Ps. Pics coming soon!